Designing messages people will read
To write messages that people will read–or at least that it is more likely they will read–you need to know 3 things:
Few people will read every single word you write.
Most people will skim down the left side of the message.
People will look where the pattern changes–white space between paragraphs, bullets, bold, anything that is different from the standard and repeating lines of text.
People who research reading–I always imagine labs full of people with lasers strapped to their heads like bike helmets–track eye movements as their experiment participants read.
Based on the data, most people read in an F pattern. What that means is that people read most of the first line of the first paragraph. Then less of the first line of the second paragraph, and very little of the first line of the 3rd, 4th, and remaining paragraphs.
Other research has shown that people tend to look at the top, then the bottom, and then the middle, and then back to the top, as illustrated here:
When we take these two ideas about how people read and apply them to writing at work, we know that we have to put as much of the important content on the left side, at the beginnings of paragraphs, and effectively use the first half of the first line in the first paragraph and the first half of the first line in the last paragraph.
When you think about reading this way, you might imagine an E pattern for business writing:
So, with this information about where people are looking when they are reading, you can start to design messages with important information in places where people are likely to see it.
Here’s a (bad) example:
As the reader glance down the side, they will see the things highlighted in red. They will also probably read them out of order with “I wanted to check in with you” first, then “I’m happy to answer any questions” 2nd, then “My company provides training…” 3rd.
If the reader only looks at these sentences, they might not think they need to respond. “I wanted to check” does not say that you *are* checking in. The language is I-focused and using the past tense to talk about something that hasn’t been done. We might use this language when we talk without a problem, but in writing the language doesn’t quite work. “I wanted to” is not the same as “I am” (not that you should use that language either).
Additionally, the phrase “I’m happy to answer any questions you have” doesn’t suggest that the reader needs to respond either. Typically, we use the phrase “let me know if you have questions” or any of its millions of variations, to indicate that a response or action is *not* required. That means that most people who see that sentence take it as a kind of goodbye or termination point. Nothing is required, unless you have questions, and I don’t, so I can delete this email.
And the middle line, “My company provides training, audit, and editing services,” is I-focused and probably not relevant to the reader. So that sentence isn’t sending any signals that the reader needs to take action or that the writer is really thinking about them.
You might start to think about the way you use “I” and “you” in writing as a kind of eye contact. When we are connecting with people, we tend to use eye contact to show that we are paying attention to them. Where our eyes go, our attention is; so if I’m looking at you, then I’m paying attention to you. If my eyes flick behind you, my attention has left you. If I’m staring out a window, I’m not paying attention to you at all.
When we write, the number of times and the ways we use “I” and “you” are similar. If I use “I” a lot, then my attention is on myself, not you. I am not “making eye contact” or paying attention to you, the reader. If I use “you,” then I am showing that even in my writing, I’m thinking about you on the other side, reading what I have to say.
In some ways, the ideal is to have the same number of “Is” and “yous,” but that isn’t possible. And having the same number doesn’t mean they’ve been used well. Try to use “I” to talk about actions you have taken or will take. Try to use “you” in positive or neutral sentences. Avoid using “you” in negative sentences.
All this is to say that Gunar’s message starts each paragraph with an “I” focus, which suggests that he doesn’t care and is not paying attention to the reader. Which makes the reader even less likely to read this message and do what Gunar wants Tory to do.
What could Gunar do to make this message more readable? Well, it’s two things but they are tied to the same goal
Write you-focused sentences
Put important or useful content in the first half of the first line of each paragraph
Here’s a better version:
Notice how none of the first halves of the first lines of each paragraph use an “I”. The first half of the first line of the first paragraph asks a question. That question shows the reader that a response is required of them on a particular topic, and they’ve only had to glance at the first line!
The bullets are interesting to the eye, so we are more likely to look at them. The formatting draws our attention to the middle of the message.
And the first half of the first line of the last paragraph gently indicates the action Gunar would like Tory to take: approve the proposal. But instead of asking for the agreement to the proposal directly, Gunar simply uses the sentence to state what will happen once the proposal is approved. This is you-focused, future-oriented, and positive! And those things show confidence and caring, which makes the reader more likely to trust the writer and take the desired action.
If Tory trusts Gunar, then it is easier to approve the proposal and move to the next step. If the message is unclear or self-centered, then Tory might not know what to do next or might doubt whether to take that action step.
You want the people you work with to do the things you want them to do. And to leave you alone. You don’t want them to *not* do the things you ask, or be confused about what you are asking, or actually write you back with questions.
Make sure you are writing messages that they can read so that they can easily see what you want them to do. And then they can do it. And leave you alone.