How to win at work: persuasion (light manipulation?) for good ends
When I was a college professor, I taught persuasive business writing techniques to my undergrads. Every once in a while, someone would ask me, “What is the difference between persuasion and manipulation?” We would laugh a little bit about it and then I would answer like this:
“Manipulation is getting someone to do something that only helps you. Persuasion is getting someone to do something that helps both of you or only them.”
I still think that is a key difference.
If you are using the techniques to only serve yourself, then that’s manipulative.
But if you genuinely believe that the outcome will serve the person or serve others besides yourself (you can benefit, too, but you are not the *sole* person who benefits), then that’s persuasive.
The reality is that the techniques for getting humans to take action are all pretty similar. It’s the *outcome* that changes whether the techniques are used for good or evil.
With all that in mind, a little persuasion is often necessary at work. Our jobs rely on other people following through on their responsibilities so that we can all keep the system churning out whatever product or service our organizations provide. And, yes, there are lots of people who do their jobs, and do them well, because they are internally motivated to be responsible, competent, even brilliant workers.
But there are also plenty of us who get bored or distracted or want to focus on anything but the task in front of us.
And often, we don’t know which person we’re working with because we’ve never worked with them before.
So, here are some simple strategies that are more likely to get a positive result:
Ask the person for their advice
One way to get people to want to work with you and to respond to your requests is to ask them for their advice. People like to feel knowledgeable, and they like to share how they acquired that knowledge and how to use it. People like to teach other people how to do things. We like to be helpful. We are social creatures, and most of us love to be included in decisions and processes.
You might say things like these:
What do you think about x?
What would you do if you were in x situation?
What do you think is the best way to move forward with x problem?
The thing about asking people advice is that it indicates that you trust them (whether you do or not–you don’t have to actually take their advice), and it suggests that you see them as more knowledgeable or expert than yourself (again, whether you actually do or not–that’s the signal you are sending). So there’s a level of flattery here in asking for other people’s opinions.
But also, other people’s opinions can be useful. We have lots of blindspots in our own view of the world and it can be useful to hear other perspectives, whether we agree with them or not.
As a professor, I would try to help my undergrads understand the value of feedback. All feedback is good feedback because 1. It means that someone else paid attention to your work and 2. It means that they had opinions about your work. The thing that makes it most useful is *your response* to their feedback. Because you don’t have to take their advice! You get to decide whether to take it or not!
The greatest value of feedback or advice is in your own opinion about it. If you hear some advice that you agree with, you’ll probably think something like “Woah, that’s incredible! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!” and if you hear advice you disagree with, you’ll probably think something like “That’s stupid. They think I haven’t tried that already?!?!” or “I do NOT like that idea.” And all those responses are valuable because they tell you whether you are on the right track with your own work or whether you need to change something in order to get your desired result.
Asking others for their advice offers the opportunity to get different perspectives, which will either confirm your own or indicate potential changes you can choose to make to improve what you are thinking.
2. Ask direct questions
Related to the idea of asking for advice is the suggestion that you should ask direct questions. They are related because they both entail asking questions–though the content is different. When asking for advice, you are asking for the other person’s opinion. In asking direct questions, you are probably asking for specific information.
The idea here is that most people are trained to answer or respond to direct questions. As a kid, your mom would yell out “Are you ok?” And if she heard silence, then that was an answer…and not a good one. So you get used to yelling back “Yep, I’m fine!” so that she doesn’t worry about you. We get trained to respond to the casual “How are you?” With “Good. How are you?” We answer the question first.
A lot of our childhood socialization involves getting used to answering different kinds of questions. I remember in high school every adult would ask me “What year are you?” And my answer determined their follow up:
Freshman = How are you adjusting to high school? Are the kids nice?
Sophomore = How did you do on the PSAT? Where are you thinking of going to college?
Junior = How did you do on the ACT/SAT? Where have you applied/gotten in to college?
Senior = Where are you going to school?
And our job as high schoolers is to answer those standard questions over and over:
Freshman = Fine. Sure.
Sophomore = Ok. Somewhere far away or the state school.
Junior = Pretty good. So many places.
Senior = Still waiting to hear.
But the questions and the answers aren’t really important. What *is* important is the social conditioning that says “When someone asks you a question, you are supposed to answer.” And the fact that if you didn’t give an answer, let alone an expected answer, you’d probably be seen as rude.
From an early age, we learn to answer questions that we are asked directly.
At work, we tend to state what we want rather than ask for it.
But asking questions is so powerful in getting people to commit and follow through on their side of the action!
You can ask lots of questions that get a response:
When will the project be ready?
Will we make the expected deadline?
What do you need to meet the deadline?
Have you had a chance to review that contract?
These questions are outcome oriented in that they ask about a work task and use a question to show that the other person is expected to reply.
Not answering direct questions is really hard because it goes against our basic communication nature.
So go ahead and ask folks things that you might otherwise state and see what responses you get.
3. Connect the request to an outcome
People are more likely to act when they understand the result of their actions. This is true in marketing–people will click that button if they know what result they are going to get (or what the implied result is) as a result of clicking.
Often, it seems like the outcome is obvious. But unless you state it out loud, people may not think about why you are asking them to do something. They might just see the request and think you are being demanding or difficult or interrupting their workflow. Or they just might not understand how their role relates to the project or client outcome.
In any event, writing it down helps the person understand why they should act and that other people are waiting on them to act.
When you do connect your request to an outcome, the sentence might become long. Feel free to write the outcome in a separate sentence. Here are some examples:
Would you be able to send the project estimates by Monday? The client is hoping to review them before the end of next week.
Please make sure to add all documents to the shared drive. That ensures everyone has access to the same information.
When do you think you’ll have the design ready? As soon as we have that in place, production can get started on building the items.
Sure, the outcomes seem pretty obvious–and they are! But saying it with the request helps the human brain understand why they should do the thing that you are asking them to do. It just makes the request have *meaning* and that’s what motivates people to act.
Also, notice the language in these examples–none of them give a reason related to what “I” the writer need or want to do. The reasons ideally focus on the next step in the process or outcomes for coworkers or clients.
When we do give reasons, we want those reasons to be about others. In the best cases, you can make the reason a direct benefit to the reader: “Please sign your contract so you can get paid.” But those situations are unusual.
Most of the time, the reason is just so that the work can move to the next step in the process. It’s not glamorous, but stating that next step is useful and keeps the focus on how our work benefits others more than ourselves.
When you are trying to get other people to take actions at work, try these techniques and let me know what responses you get!