Closings

I've had a few questions in seminars lately about appropriate closings. The standard professional closing is "Sincerely" but most people feel uncomfortable with that, which has led to the overuse of "Thanks".

I've seen "Respectfully," "Best wishes," "All the best," "Best," and "Cheers" (which seems to be a particular favorite of older men with a propensity for daytime drinking). Some old school closings that have certainly fallen out of fashion are things like "Yours" or "Yours truly," which I would reserve for personal relationships. I have a former student who has elected to use "With enthusiasm," which I like, but he is truly an exceptionally enthusiastic person, so it has veracity for him.

What prompted me to respond to this topic were some recent international emails, particularly with Spanish speakers in various countries. Here are some of the (translated) closings they have used:

Without further details, I say goodbye to you

Receive a cordial greeting

Keep in touch

With respect

Attentively

Greetings

These are a bit more formal, but convey a variety that I don't think we have and a real attention to the purpose of the closing, which is to describe how you are feeling toward your audience. I think the more we consider closing as part of the tone, the better our closing words and phrases will be. For the most part, they are used to describe your attitude (usually using an adverb like an -ly word or a phrase using "with") about the content of the message or the audience.

Play around with some closing words or phrases and see what feels the most comfortable for you.

Organizational Patterns or Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

When communicating a message to an audience, you have two choices: tell the what you want first and explain later or give an explanation that leads to the ultimate purpose of the message.

 

Most messages are best conveyed directly: stating the message and giving the reasons after if necessary. The direct approach works because we are frequently communicating messages that make sense within the context. When you pick up your dry cleaning, you don’t start by explaining that you had brought some clothes there to be cleaned because that is what the dry cleaner does. Your request is exactly in line with the context. Same when you make an appointment with a doctor or order food at a restaurant. When your message is appropriate and reasonably expected, there’s no reason to explain. You might provide more information to continue the conversation, like how many items you dropped off at the dry cleaner or what you would like addressed in your doctor’s appointment, but you can add those later because they are still within the context of the message.

 

When your message is unexpected or disappointing, it’s best to use the indirect approach: start with the explanation and lead the reader to the purpose. This is probably familiar to us from our childhood. You break something and have to tell your mother about it, but when you approach her, you realize that she is going to be very upset. So you don’t just blurt out, “I broke your pearl necklace playing dress up!” You start with the scene, “Alice and I were playing dress up and we wanted to add something to our fancy gowns for the ball, so we went into your room to get some jewelry and Alice insisted on wearing your pearl necklace. She started twirling it and I told her to stop, but she didn’t, so I grabbed it, and, um, well, it broke.” The hope is that if the audience understands the situation, they will be more understanding of the result. 

 

Frequently, this approach is used for bad news, but it may also be employed in any situation where the message doesn’t match the context. For example, you might arrive at the dry cleaners not to pick up clothes, but to ask for an iron. Instead of saying, “Do you have an iron?” which would be odd, you might explain that you have a dress that you just picked up from there but left in the car and so it became wrinkled. Since you so rarely need to iron your clothes, because the dry cleaner does such a nice job with them, you don’t own an iron, but would they have one you could borrow?

 

Any time you are communicating with an audience, you decide whether to use a direct or an indirect approach. We do this instinctually in conversation because it is a natural reaction to the other party’s situation and expression. However, it is just as important to consider your approach in writing, maybe even more important, since you won’t be there to react to how your message is received. 

 

Generally, if your message is expected, you can be direct. If it isn’t, try writing about the why first, so that by the time you get to the central message, the audience understands where you are coming from.

Nuances of punctuation in greetings

The greeting of an email or letter doesn't seem all that important. It's just a little thing next to the actual content of the message, but how one begins has a significant impact on how one ends and what result one gets.

In business writing, the standard greeting to an unknown person is

Dear Mr. White or Dear Ms. White 

depending on the person's gender, obviously.

If the gender is unknown, then you may use the full name without a title, as in

Dear Alex White

However, some people find "dear" too familiar. By "some people" I mean my students, who perhaps are not accustomed to the standard business language that has desensitized all of us from thinking at our bank things we are sweet or that our amazon notifications think we have a close, personal relationship. "Dear" doesn't really mean dear in that way at the beginning of a message.

But, for people dead set against the standard, "Good morning/afternoon/evening" may sound better. I don't particularly like this one because I am not reading the message whenever you send it, so 66% of the time, you're wrong.

Either of these greetings work, even a "Hi" or "Hello" can be appropriate in some circumstances. But if you are using "Good afternoon" or "Hello" you are using a greeting word, so there must be a comma between the greeting word or phrase and the person's name:

Good afternoon, Ms. White

Hello, Mr. White

AND greetings signal the opening of a message with either a comma or a colon after the greeting. For example

Dear Alex White:

Dear Mr. White,

Good afternoon, Ms. White,

Good afternoon, Alex White:

The comma is more familiar, gentler, while the colon is more formal, distancing. Both choices are correct, and you may use them in any circumstances. Generally, I use commas after all greetings. I have only used colons after a few very angry emails that were seeking remuneration, but others may find them more useful on a regular basis.

What Words Do I Capitalize in a Title?

Whether you are putting together blog posts, newsletters, website content, social media updates, or presentations, you are going to run into the tricky task of writing titles and headers. We all know that it can be difficult to come up with a catchy title, but then you inevitably face trying to figure out which words of the title should be capitalized and which ones should not.

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It is/There are: Make your sentences stronger without them

One of the major things we focus on in business writing is conciseness. In business, like many other industries, people value their time. They want communication to be efficient so they can get to the action. So, one of the challenges for written communication is effectively transferring a message in as few words as possible.

 

Most sentences in English operate with the Subject first, who the sentence is about, then the Verb, what the subject does, and then potentially the Object, what the Subject acts upon: 

S-V-O

 

Additionally, so that we don’t have to keep repeating subjects in each sentence, we use pronouns to refer back to something we have already talked about: Katie is my sister. She is blonde. 

or

My car is a Jeep. It is blue.

 

In both of these examples, the pronoun, “she” or “it,” refers back to the subject of the previous sentence, “Katie, my sister” and “My car, the Jeep.” 

 

With indefinite starters like “It is” and “There are” we use pronouns to take the grammatical subject position instead of whatever the sentence is actually about.

 

It is a pleasure to meet with you  really means I am pleased to meet with you.

 

The sentence is about how nice it is for the speaker to meet with the other person, but the grammatical structure of “it is” makes that idea the object of the sentence. It transposes it to the less important position in the sentence. Something this technique can be used for important effects, but most of the time, our language is much more effective if we eliminate these indefinite starters that just hold the place of the subject and verb that we actually care about.

 

Check your writing. If you are starting sentences with “It is” see if the “It” refers to something in the previous sentence. If it doesn’t, if “it” doesn’t seem to refer to anything at all, see if you can get rid of it to make your writing tighter and more efficient.

The cure for perfectionism

It's a new semester, so I've been sharing the wisdom of business writing with an entirely new set of undergrads. Once again, they want me to show them examples of what I am looking for in their writing. "Why don't you just show us what a good email looks like?" "Yeah, just post an example that we can all imitate." And you see the problem.

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Ethos, Part Two: Good Sense

So we have a previous blog post that talks about ethos, particularly that simply calling it an appeal to “credibility” is an over-simplification, and that one of the aspects of ethos is demonstrating “good will” toward the audience (and how we could benefit from appealing to ethos in that way through our business writing). There’s another element of ethos to look at – actually, two. According to Aristotle, there are three elements of ethos; goodwill toward the audience, good sense, and good moral character.

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Should I put this in writing?

Recently, I've had a number of conversations that have been the result of serious miscommunications that occurred via email. I wrote an email and someone misinterpreted it, which led to that person writing something I didn't agree with and sending it to a lot of people, which led to me writing to an even bigger group of people, which led to the other person retaliating, which led to me retaliating. The spiral was out of control. And the problem? We were two people who had never met.

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Is this about me...or you? Author, audience, and purpose in writing

Recently my students had an assignment to locate a job posting and craft the fitting letter to apply for it, then turn it in for feedback. Once I collected them, I saw one student do something kind of surprising from a rhetorical viewpoint in the opening of the letter, and I thought, “Huh, that is a strange choice,” then I wrote some feedback on it, and moved on.

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Revision Precision

Recently, I've been thinking about some of the challenges that professional writing presents, as in the fact that your professional writing should sound conversational, but should not sound like an actual conversation. If we wrote the way we actually speak, our writing would read something like this:

"When I get home, I mean when I get back to--where are we staying? ur..well..the whatever hotel, when we, when I get back, in like maybe five minutes, I mean at like maybe five, then, I can totally..."

It's practically nonsense without the intonation that tells us how all the words connect. What we mean is

"I'll take care of it as soon as I get back to my hotel."

So, our writing needs to be not exactly like our speech, but sound like something we would actually say. There are lots of words in English that we reserve almost entirely for writing. The same message could be written like this:

"I will resolve the matter upon returning to my lodgings."

It means the same thing, but it isn't conversational because I would never say this out loud.

Writing conversationally means walking a fine line between writing formally and informally. Mostly, it means using words precisely to convey your meaning without elevating your speech simply to elevate it.

Recently, my students were working on revising this sample sentence:

As a result an envelope with the paperwork for claims will be left at your hotel so that you can fill it out completely and additionally provide us with a copy of your passport.

As we discussed in class, there are a lot of things wrong with this sentence, and a lot of ways to improve on it. One of the most interesting aspects of their revision, though, had to do with how they conveyed the message about the passport copy. Some students said "please include a copy of your passport"; others left it as "provide us with a copy". Still others used "attach a copy," which reveals their technological background. I reminded them, however, that there is in fact a word that means specifically "to put inside of something else," which brought them almost immediately to "enclose."

"Enclose" is the most precise word in this example because it conveys exactly what should be done with the copy of the passport without additional instruction. "Enclose" is also a word that we could imagine ourselves saying, no one needs to look it up because it is family, even if it's not a word that we actually regularly say.

What I'm getting at is that we tend to have two different vocabularies: the words we access quickly for speech and the words we access very slowly for special circumstances. Professional writing asks us to use an intermediary vocabulary, one that uses the full breadth of precision available to us in the thousands of words in our language while limiting that precision to words that reach only one step beyond our spoken language, not all the way into our let-me-show-you-how-well-I-can-use-a-thesaurus language. It's a fine distinction, but understanding it, and applying it to revision, will help make our professional writing clearer, more concise, and conversational.

Commas and

I have recently noticed a lot of people using comma + and when they shouldn't and not using it when they should. It's like somewhere the rule has gotten reversed. I'm not sure how or where this happened. Perhaps it's just that in my students' overcorrection they have completely 180'd the comma rules.

But I'm guessing it's more that people have just forgotten when to use comma + and and just hope that no one reading their work knows how to do it either. I've also noticed that people seem to try to correct the blue underlines from Microsoft Word Grammar check by inserting commas. Blue underlines do not always mean a problem with commas. Furthermore, blue lines do not even mean that something is necessarily wrong. Blue lines mean that something you have written has triggered some algorithm based on inflexible grammar rules to signal you that you have written something possibly incorrect. You have to review it yourself to be sure, though, because language is not a closed system with only a few possible constructions of correctness. There are infinite ways to write the same idea, and grammar check cannot make sure that infinite ways are all correct.

So, when to use comma + and and when not? There are two grammatical structures where a comma may appear before "and". In one of these structures the comma is an absolute requirement. In the other, it is a choice.

1) Comma + and required: A comma before "and" must appear when the comma + and works to combine two complete sentences. For example:

I am going to the store, and I am going to the Post Office.

Here we have two complete sentences. The comma + and could be replaced by a period.

I am going to the store. I am going to the Post Office.

But the writer probably joined them to emphasize to the audience that she is going to both places in one trip.

2) Comma + and optional: A comma before "and" may appear before the last item in a list. This comma, sometimes referred to as the Oxford comma, is optional. However, optional doesn't mean you can decide willy-nilly when to use it and when not to. The use of this comma, whether present or absent, must be consistent within one document, so it is best to choose your personal preference and live with that decision, forever. The optional comma looks like this:

I am going to the store for bread, milk, and eggs.

The sentence is also correct written without the comma, as long as every other list in the same document doesn't include this comma either.

3) Comma should not be present with and: No comma should appear with "and" in a compound subject or predicate. Compound means two. For example:

My sister and I are going to the store.

No comma appears before "and" because "My sister and I" are a unit as the plural subject of this sentence.

I am going to the store and the Post Office.

No comma appears before "and" because "the store and the Post Office" are a unit as the plural destination in this sentence.

I am going to the store and stopping by the Post Office.

No comma appears with "and" because "am going and stopping" form the compound verb; both use "I" for the subject.



So, the final summary: the comma + and must be used to join two complete sentences, may be used before the last item in a list, and is never used with compound subjects or predicates.

Providing your reader with context

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Beginning writers spend most of their time thinking about how to put words together into a logical message. Their focus is on getting the words out, writing down words that reflect the ideas in their heads. They feel finished when they have put their idea on paper, just put it into writing. This is a lot of hard work. It is a challenge to find the right words, to put them in order, to write as fast as your mind, or slow down your thoughts to match your typing speed. Your thoughts and your hands are constantly out of sync. So it is a struggle just to write.

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Professional email

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In our age of myriad technologies and informality, sometimes I think it's helpful to remind people of established conventions that are still expected in professional contexts. Professional does not necessarily mean within the context of business, but generally refers to a context in which the writer seeks to address a person of higher social standing. This could mean someone older, someone in a position of authority, or someone who you want something from.

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